Roots, Rot, and Rust

Recently a series of unexpected events happened in my life. It was a time of new breeze and a changing season where wholly new people and experiences blew in, and a few long-held preconceptions, beliefs and behaviours were uprooted and blown away without so much as a goodbye. 

How often this seems to happen when the person of Jesus turns up... see Matthew 8 for example.  

This was a time characterised by the fragrance of earth after rain... everything all fresh, malleable, uncertain, but full of potential; imbued with a sense that anything could happen. This was also a season through which God taught me a great deal.

He taught me about my own prejudices towards others and myself. 

He taught me I am more incredible, interesting, and worth knowing than i'd ever realised... but also that I have deep brokenness that He doesn't want me to have to live with anymore. 

Sometimes God in His wisdom calls us to face challenges seemingly alone; knowing that when we do step "into the ring" with the shadow(s) of our problems, only then will we find His light and hand there. On other occasions He knows that the simple act of approaching said darkness is totally inconceivable without another's physical hand in ours... the physical presence, strength, and loving affirmation of a champion beside us. In His grace, He sometimes gives these.

At still other times; He meets us somewhere in the middle of these two - bringing a person or people whose strength enables us to stand and face the problem... but then in His wisdom, He takes the champion away once we find the courage (or faith) to lift our heads and walk into the face of the darkness and the midst of the battle trusting only in Him. 

This has been my experience in this season. 

It is no doubt not an accident that the Psalmist refers to God as "the lifter of my head".

And so to God's lessons of late...

   

Sometimes God speaks to me through things I physically see.

The two images above are an example of this. I saw them both within a few days of each other.

The image on the left is of a box housing electrical supplies. It was opposite the front door of one of the "champions" I spoke about earlier...which I couldn't help but think was significant. 

The street the box was on had roadworks which reduced the overall height of the pavement. Originally the pavement level covered the rust at the base of the box, making it appear to have overall structural integrity and strong weight-bearing capacity. Only when  the base was exposed, did the true structural integrity show - there was rust at the base. More on that later.

The image on the right is of a large sycamore tree that used to line the canal path next to my house. Originally it was on the river bank which is structurally a dodgy position for a tree, but paradoxically can also mean that trees are really well-fed and able to grow strong and put down good roots (this is why Isaiah 61 describes God as rebuilding ruins into "oaks of righteousness" and Ezekiel 47 cites trees along the banks of a river "whose fruit is good and whose leaves are for the healing of the nations"). The tree in this image fell unexpectedly in a storm. It was huge and -like the electrical box- appeared beforehand to be strong, healthy, fit for purpose and structurally very sound. As I inspected the fallen tree, I saw that at the very base (the point at which it had weakened and fallen) hidden from view until it fell; there was disease; there was rot at the roots.

As I walked, I talked with God about these two images -  

Me: "Daddy, what are you saying here?"

God: "Do you notice your vicar's shoes when you're face-to-face?" 

Me (bemused!): "no, not really Lord"

God: "exactly!"

     "what about when He's on the stage preaching...do you notice   

      his shoes then?"

Me: "not always...but yes, more so than when He's face-to-face with 

     me."

God: "and why is that?

Me: "because He's above (higher up) and in front of me." 

God: "exactly! [Good girl...you're getting this!]"

    "what I am showing you here is that when I raise people up in 

    ministry, I expose what is at their roots when I put them before 

    others [on a platform; metaphorical or literal]. What I am doing 

    in your life at the moment is exposing the problems at your 

    roots so that I can deal with them, heal them, strengthen them, 

    and continue to raise you up and use you in ministry. If I raise 

    someone up and they don't have the root-work done; no matter how 

    much they try and hide the rot at their roots; it will  

    eventually destabilise and undermine the integrity of their 

    entire ministry past, present, and future 

(He then showed me some examples of people where this had happened).  

    "is this what you want Emma?"

Me: "No Lord...do what you need to with me"  

God: "ok. I will"

Calling

" A person who embraces a calling doesn't take a direct route to self-fulfilment. She is willing to surrender the things that are most dear, and by seeking to forget herself and submerge herself she finds a purpose that defines and fulfills herself. "
- David Brooks in The Road to Character

Positioned for Prayer

I am on yet another "lunchtime pilgrimage" today to St.Michael's in Oxford city centre.

As I sit here and admire the comparatively short, low wooden pews; I am almost overwhelmed in this single thought - these pews -and by virture the very functional fabric of this building- are built to facilitate prayer.

To my left, one of the stained glass windows is much lower in the wall than one would expect; so that it's beauty overshadows people in prayer. What an incredibly beautiful image; what a high and lofty challenge - to be a person and a church - arranged to enable prayer.

Lessons in Leadership #1

~What does it look like to be a leader?~

To be a leader is to embrace being the lowest servant, and the most esteemed guest, and to be equally joyful in both circumstances. 

I was recently studying this passage in Mark, when I encountered the following situation -  

"And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” "(Mark 10:42-45)


Here's a little lesson God taught me about servanthood...  

It was a Sunday evening and one of the pastors at our church asked me to do the reading before his preach. As I love any opportunity to share God's Word and to bless His people, I agreed. Before I took to the platform, I prayed silently "Lord use this reading, and may it point people to Jesus, not me". The reading went well, and after the service, several people approached me and commented on how much they had engaged with the passage through my reading. Though their sentiments encouraged me, I was very intentional in brushing them off of my heart in order to give Jesus the glory and not hoard any of His esteem for myself. Esteem can be a bit like manna, God seems to give us as much as we need for everyday, but if we hoard it up selfishly, it becomes rot and poison. I made sure that -again silently- I thanked Him for the privilege of being used by Him,and then went on my way. Whilst walking back to my car after the service, I received a telephone call from a friend. She was in excruciating pain, and needed help immediately. I was tired because I had gone to church straight from work, but I ran to her house as quickly as I could. Upon my arrival I could see how bad things were as she could barely talk or walk; and within an hour we found ourselves in the out-of-hours medical clinic in a fairly grim part of town. 

After approximately another 45minutes of waiting -by which point she was doubled over on my lap, slipping in and out of consciousness- we were seen by a doctor. By this time it was about 11:30pm, and the ensuing hour became a haze of needles, blood tests, injections, medication, trial and error, repeating information, waiting, and vomit. And so it was, that at around midnight on a Sunday, 6 1/2 hours after my so-called "glory moment" doing the bible reading; I found myself in the toilet cubicle of an out-of-hours medical clinic, wearing rubber gloves and clearing my friends' vomit from a plughole with paper towels and surface cleaner. It was in this moment that revelation came to me... this is ministry, this is what it is to be a witness for Christ, to share in His sufferings, and to  be joyful in every circumstance. This is what it is to have the privilege of being church -that is- doing life with people, and sharing in theirs joys and blessings, sicknesses and sorrows, life and death. By this point my brain was a bit sleep-addled, but wisps of Philippians 4 came to me - 

        
Philippians 4:11-13
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

And so it was into this context that God spoke one of the most significant leadership lessons I have learnt so far - leadership is loving God, demonstrating Jesus, and honouring His name, no matter our circumstance; and no matter how few or how many people can see us. In fact; true leadership is especially living like this when few or no people can see us. 

As Simon Ponsonby one of my favourite preachers likes to say: "that's leadership".

Sadly, our adventure didn't end here as my poor, beautiful friend was sent home, where -once the morphine wore off- approximately 4hours later, we had to call the paramedics and take her into A&E where we remained until the morning. Though she was in more pain than I can imagine, it blessed me to stand beside her, and to see her grace and character demonstrated to all the doctors and nurses even though she was feeling rubbish. 

By the grace of God after more tests and medicine than she cares to remember, she is now back to full health again, and with a greater appreciation of her health, and endurance. As for me, I am inspired by not only my friend but by the methods through which God teaches us lessons and shapes our relationships. Thank you Jesus, it is a privilege to be your servant.

Be BRAVE

Chaos, Love, and the City

I have often heard it said that fasting brings out the worst in people.

I live in a city where often the summertime feels like an exercise in fasting from normality.

As our own banal streets morph into something resembling Pamplona's "running of the bulls" (only with angry, selfie-stick-wielding tourists instead of angry, horn-wielding bulls) peace and solace become harder to find.

In light of this, today I took a wandering lunch break in search of this elusive commodity, and ended up in the Saint Mary Magdelene Catholic church, just outside of the city epicentre.

As I sat in the back pew - alone save for my sushi and thoughts - I noticed the musty smell, reverent peace, and the quiet holiness of the place. There was a holy stillness that while the physical structure decayed and died around it, retained timelessness. A beautiful yet intangible reflection of the God who is the same yesterday, today, and always (Hebrews 13:8) and whom no physical structure can contain.

I was heartened by many things about this encounter - 
- that amidst the white noise, the church was a place of peace
- that amidst chaotic lives, the physical building still inspired awe, reverence, and moments of reflection
- that amidst the urban chaos and the risk of vandalism of sacrilegiousness, the church was open 

At a time when many of my friends are becoming young and beautiful earthly brides; I am heartened and so deeply thankful to be a part of this musty timeless bride. She - both her physical structures and her spiritual body- is the most fully alive and beautiful bride in the world.    

Luke 8:1-39 Do not fear

"Sometimes Jesus calms the storm as he did here. Sometimes he lets the storm rage and he calms you."
- Nicky Humble, B.I.O.Y